I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
