I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
