this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
