just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's the barista slut.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
