Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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