Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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