dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
