Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
