Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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