bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
