We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my sisters under your porch take her home
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
