I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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