LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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