Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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