Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize