Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
