I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
