you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
