12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
