Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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