im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
