he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
