You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So many bounce houses so little time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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