Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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