well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If its not for food we ain't going out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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