He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He passed out mid-signature
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
