do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
