So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
