Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
