I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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