Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
