my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
