Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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