Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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