the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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