wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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