I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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