I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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