It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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