you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
