I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
