is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
