I just threw up on my dentist
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
