She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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