I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
