great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what day is it and did you see me today?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
