Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize