And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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