I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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