By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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