let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
