You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
