craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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