whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
