A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
