You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
