You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
