Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
