I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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