I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
