It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
