I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
