I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
