I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
