So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
