You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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