I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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