My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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