my sisters under your porch take her home
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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