I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Randomize
