She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
