my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
