Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
