In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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