apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
