Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
