please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
