every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
