is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
